The Progesterone Diaries

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Dear Progesterone Diary… 

Dear Progesterone Diary: 

You and I are one day into our relationship and I have to say, you don't smell so good. I mean with ingredients like Extract of Wild Yam and Red Raspberry, I would think you wouldn't be quite so offensive, but I was wrong.   God forbid your makers put a little fragrance in you. My funny funny friend (grrr) says maybe it's designed that way….to keep the men away.  Ha ha funny friend. Let's see you laugh when my heel goes in your eye. I mean that  can't possibly be the reason. Who in the hell else would we abuse? Back to the lab on that one doc funny. What can I say, he's a guy, enough said. 

So back to this whole fragrance thing…directions say "apply 1/4 tsp. twice daily on inner arms, wrists, palms of hand, thighs, face or neck." Great as if that's going to get me laid. Now, I thought the whole idea here is to decrease aggression, neuroses and psychotic episodes? Hmmm…You and I are going to be discussing that a lot more, but for now I'll trust in the experiment. Anyway, I have loads to do…talk to you soon. 

 
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Just Omit Yeast: A Recipe for Simple Living or a Life of Loafing?

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A Literary Critique of Henry David Thoreau‘s Walden

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” (Thoreau 1681).

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, it is fire and brimstone for me. I wish I had a Genie or a Munchkin. What I would give for a munchkin with a clipboard to follow me around; a copious note taker to do my bidding. Instead, I have a six-year-old monkey who

follows me around chittering incessantly and eats like a NFL linebacker in a bulking stage.

Dreams. I dream of the day when I can go to the bathroom without company and Barbie puts away her own shoes. Do not get me wrong, I love being a Mom. My kid is as cool as they come, but she is a “mini-me.“ Yes, I said but. Have you ever tried living with a little version of yourself? It is not easy, and it certainly is not simple. It is complicated, very complicated.

You see the warning “they” fail to give, when you are contemplating Motherhood, is guilt. I read Dr. Spock and Dr. Seuss. I read “What to Expect When Your Expecting” and “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.” Not one book I read mentioned anything about guilt. And I am torn. Between wanting to complete assignments on time and her freckled little nose and monkey-mouth that spouts Elmer Fuddisms like “weally” and “actuwally” and “will you wead me Hawwy Potter?”

Cover of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child

Oh, the guilt. Come on! Why did I not get that memo? The one that says, “Oh by the way…Motherhood is riddled with a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” sense of guilt. Batten down the hatches and prepare yourself, Ginger.” Nope, didn’t get that memo. Instead, my mid-wife sent me home four hours after giving birth and said, “Have fun.” And when we in turn called her four hours later and said, “The baby, she won’t stop crying.” Our ‘Special Beginnings’ membrane-stripper in her infinite wisdom said, “Yup they do that.”

The thing is I do not think anyone can prepare you for the guilt. It is par for the course. It is the trade-off. With all the fun, the funny and cute things your kid does, the one thing that runs through your mind constantly is, “Dear Lord, please help me to not screw her up and please allow her to forgive me when I do.”

So, in a week when I am pondering my perpetual tardiness, The Communist Manifesto and analyzing loons and beans in 180 pages of Thoreau’s “transcendental strip-tease,” I cannot help but ask myself what is the point? What in the hell am I doing?

More to the point, that is THE point. Trust yourself. Get out of your box, your pattern, your head. Get spiritual. Think. Simplify.

Besides my regular prayer not to “mess up” my kid, my spiritual this week involved thanking the powers-that-be for the saints at Librivox.org who read and record the classics in the public domain, free of charge. Otherwise about page forty-five (give or take) I would have gouged my eyes out with a stick I’d rescued from the pile of clippings in my backyard and laboriously whittled down to a sharp point. After reading Henry David Thoreau’s Walden, it is clear that this self-published transcendentalist loved to hear his own voice and his verbose opinions almost as much as he loved nature. Thoreau, though he valued “economy” did not value the economy of words. By page 180, I am well acquainted with the loon’s diabolical laugh, racial wars between ants and schizophrenic squirrels. Of course, my mere opinion does not amount to a hill of Thoreau’s beans considering Walden has served his recipe of contradictions, of provocation, of poking for over 160 years.

So what was Thoreau trying to tell readers in 1854, that is ‘Thoreauly’ applicable today? What is the point? I had to dig deeper. I had to shed my preconceived notions. I had to apply Walden to my life. Yegads! That is when it hit me. Like a brick. I had a cutting aha moment. One of those moments that you hate to have because you realize that something you have learned has actually taught you something…about yourself. And you are not exactly sure it is a lesson you want to learn because learning it disrupts the life pattern you have created and perpetuated. And obviously, this pattern gives you some sort of chaotic satisfaction on a deeper level, which is precisely the reason you want to ignore the lesson in the first place. However, now knowing what you know means that you cannot go unknowing it and therefore you cannot ignore it…without guilt.

I racked my brain to come up with what to write on Thoreau’s transcendental principles, my weekly column, a third essay on Marxism in Huckleberry Finn, all due within 24 hours of each other, my pattern is to panic.

Thoreau says, “We need the tonic of wildness . . . At the same time that we are earnest to explore and learn all things, we require that all things be mysterious and unexplorable, that land and sea be infinitely wild, unsurveyed and unfathomed by us because unfathomable. We can never have enough of nature” (1802).

Instead of panicking, I did as Thoreau might have done. I went outside. In Nature, with my books, I basked in the sun, reading, writing, absorbing. Within forty-five minutes, I changed seats four times, brushed six carpenter ants off me (or perhaps it was only one persistent carpenter ant, I am not sure), evaded a wasp‘s stinger and feared skin cancer. On top of that, I now smelled.

Clearly this was not working. The only tonic I wanted was one laced with gin. I had yet to be inspired to whip up a quick essay like a clichéd walk in the park; it was no picnic. Then I remembered something. About the middle of last semester, I came across a book on sale at the campus bookstore and bought it. The book, an international bestseller, titled: Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to Slow Down and Enjoy the Things That Really Matter by Elaine St. James. I dashed inside and, as noble as my intentions were at the time, there it sat, untouched, collecting dust, on my bookshelf.

Having yet to make the Thoreauvian connection, I opened the book to the inside flap of the dust jacket and read:

Simplify, Simplify.” That’s what Henry David Thoreau urged his fellow Americans to do a hundred and fifty years ago. With remarkable foresight, he saw our lives being “cluttered with furniture” and “ruined by heedless expense, by want of calculation and a worthy aim.” Now, Elaine St. James has turned Thoreau’s philosophy into sensible advice for the twenty-first century. (St. James)

So what next? How to apply Thoreau’s principles to my life? How could I transcend? How could I get wild? What would be my recipe? Figuring best beginnings are best began by defining moments; I went to the online dictionary.

Image via Wikipedia

Step One: Flour & Salt or Get Clear & Define Your Terms.

What is transcendentalism? Allan Sugg says it is “limited and subjective” with major principles being: freethinking, self-reliance and non conformity, growth and renewal of the individual, revolt against tradition and established institutions, civil disobedience, brotherhood of man, nature and spiritual unity, and educational reform” (Sugg).

Dictionary.com includes the following definitions:

Transcend: To rise above or go beyond; overpass; exceed: to transcend the limits of thought; To outdo or exceed in excellence, elevation, extent, degree, etc.; surpass; excel. To be above and independent of (the universe, time, etc.). To be transcendent or superior; To pass beyond the limits of: emotions that transcend understanding. To be greater than, as in intensity or power; surpass. To exist above and independent of (material experience or the universe). (Dictionary.com)

Transcendentalism: To be of transcendental character, thought, or language. Also called transcendental philosophy: Any philosophy based upon the doctrine that the principles of reality are to be discovered by the study of the processes of thought, or a philosophy emphasizing the intuitive and spiritual above the empirical. A movement in nineteenth-century American literature and thought that called on people to view the objects in the world as small versions of the whole universe and to trust their individual intuitions. (Dictionary.com).

If not only Thoreau, but Emerson, are considered core transcendentalists, where the movement thrived in the 1840’s and shaped America’s personality; shaped her attitude towards “individualism, nature, religion, philosophy, education, politics, society and culture” (Sugg). If these rebels, “who expressed new ideas and new ways of writing on a whole spectrum of principles” (Sugg) defined the American, rugged and individualistic, can I allow it to define me?

What does being wild mean? What is wildness defined as? Is it thoughts? Actions? A mindset? The online dictionary defines wildness as:

1. Living in a state of nature; not tamed or domesticated; 2. Growing or produced without cultivation or the care of humans; 3. Uncultivated, uninhabited, or waste; 4. Uncivilized or barbarous; 5. Of unrestrained violence, fury, intensity, etc.; violent; furious: wild strife; wild storms. 6. Characterized by or indicating violent feelings or excitement, as actions or a person’s appearance; 7. Frantic or distracted; 8. Violently or uncontrollably affected; 9. Undisciplined, unruly, or lawless; 10. Unrestrained, untrammeled, or unbridled; 11. Disregardful of moral restraints as to pleasurable indulgence; 12. Unrestrained by reason or prudence; 13. Amazing or incredible; 14. Disorderly or disheveled; 15. Wide of the mark; 16. Informal. intensely eager or enthusiastic. (Dictionary.com)

Step Two: Olive Oil & Honey – Omit Yeast or Get Wild, True, Essential, Pure

In a lecture, Ann Woodlief at Virginia Commonwealth University describes Walden as “transcendental strip tease.” Thoreau forces us to think to get down to the essentials of our being, our thought process. To omit what is not necessary. For example, take Thoreau’s account of the art of bread making:

I made a study of the ancient and indispensable art of bread-making…going back to the primitive days and first invention of the unleavened kind, when from the wildness of nuts and meats men first reached the mildness and refinement of this diet, and travelling gradually down in my studies through that accidental souring of the dough which, it is supposed, taught the leavening process, and through the various fermentations thereafter, till I came to “good, sweet, wholesome bread,” the staff of life. Leaven, which some deem the soul of bread, the spiritus which fills its cellular tissue, which is religiously preserved like the vestal fire — some precious bottleful…did the business for America, and its influence is still rising, swelling, spreading, in cerealian billows over the land…one morning I forgot the rules, and scalded my yeast; by which accident I discovered that even this was not indispensable…and I have gladly omitted it since…Yet I find it not to be an essential ingredient…and I am glad to escape the trivialness of carrying a bottleful in my pocket…It is simpler and more respectable to omit it. Man is an animal who more than any other can adapt himself to all climates and circumstances. (Thoreau 1665)

My pattern is chaos. It is analytical. It is a striving to be proper, correct, right…perfect. It results in hours of activity with little productivity. It does not work. It is not enjoyable. So why do I do it? Fear. Fear of being wrong. Fear of a failure. Fear of failing.

Thoreau’s Walden urged me to think about that. What would happen if I did not do what I normally did and got a little wild? Would I enjoy the process more? Would it reflect positively in my productivity? What would happen if I did not do it the way I considered the “proper” or “right” way, but instead infused creativity and fun? Can I be wild with purpose? Would I not be, as Thoreau, trusting my instincts and being transcendental?

Thoreau says:

Image by Matito via Flickr

As I came home through the woods . . . I caught a glimpse of a woodchuck stealing across my path, and felt a strange thrill of savage delight, and was strongly tempted to seize and devour him raw; not that I was hungry then, except for that wildness which he represented . . . The wildest scenes had become unaccountably familiar. I found in myself, and still find, an instinct toward a higher, or, as it is named, spiritual life, as do most men, and another toward a primitive rank and savage one, and I reverence them both. I love the wild not less than the good . . . We are most interested when science reports what those men already know practically or instinctively, for that alone is a true humanity, or account of human experience.” (Thoreau 1745).

For me, wildness would not involve eating a woodchuck, but something as simple as expressing my gut opinion, without second guess, thus allowing me to submit a paper on time. It would mean trusting myself to know, what I know, and put it into play without overanalyzing.

Step Three: Knead & Bake or Putting It All Together.

Several years ago, I accompanied my former spouse on a company trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico. I had just become a Mother; my daughter was six months old. The executives had scheduled an early morning excursion. Fifty-plus people loaded a tour bus, most hung-over from the night before, some still drunk, which deposited up at the base of the mountain. As a group, we then hiked to the top to the El Yunque National Rain Forest. I joked the entire trip that Puerto Rico was best viewed facing the Ocean. That is until I got to El Yunque. We had a magnificent guide who pointed out the indigenous species of the rain forest: the stick bug, the many breeds of orchids and my favorite the Coqui frog. Although I cannot remember the guide’s name, I can still hear his voice rising and falling an octave as he said, “Check it out” followed by some interesting description of a creature he had discovered.

“Check it out.”

“What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates his fate” (Thoreau 1634). If I take my cues from Thoreau, from nature, I believe it is possible. Thoreau says, “We need to witness our own limits transgressed and some life pasturing freely where we never wander” (1802).

“Check it out.”

I think that is what Thoreau, Emerson and the transcendentalist movement prescribed. To check it; to get out of your box; to get out of your head; to trust yourself; to do something different. Because there is, a sense of freedom in that trust and because you never know where that different may take you.

Balderdash Nonsense by Cassie Turner is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

© Cassie Turner and Balderdash Nonsense, 2009 – 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Cassie Turner and Balderdash Nonsense with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Works Cited

“American Transcendentalism Web.” Virginia Commonwealth University. Web. 27 Mar. 2010. <http://www.vcu.edu/engweb/transcendentalism/index.html>.

Lecture. Walden Lecture by Professor Ann M. Woodlief. Virginia Commonwealth University, 1994. Web. 25 Mar. 2010. <http://www.vcu.edu/engweb/audio/walden.html>.

St, James Elaine. Simplify Your Life: 100 Ways to Slow down and Enjoy the Things That Really Matter. New York: MJF, 2001. Print.

Thoreau, Henry D. “Walden.” 1854. Anthology of American Literature. Ed. George L. McMichael Et Al. 9th ed. Vol. 1. Upper Saddle River, N.J.: Pearson/Prentice Hall, 2007. 1612-8111. Print.

“Transcend | Define Transcend at Dictionary.com.” Dictionary.com | Find the Meanings and Definitions of Words at Dictionary.com. Web. 25 Mar. 2010. <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/transcend>.

“Transcendental Legacy–Sugg Essay.” Virginia Commonwealth University. Web. 27 Mar. 2010. <http://www.vcu.edu/engweb/transcendentalism/roots/legacy/sugg.html>.

“Transcendentalism | Define Transcendentalism at Dictionary.com.” Dictionary.com | Find the Meanings and Definitions of Words at Dictionary.com. Web. 25 Mar. 2010.         <http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/transcendentalism>.

Turner, Cassie A. “If I Had a Genie.” Editorial. Central Florida Future [Orlando] 27 Mar. 10, Saturday ed., Column sec. Central Florida Future.com. College Media Network, 27 Mar. 2010. Web. 27 Mar. 2010.     <http://www.centralfloridafuture.com/blog-1.107/dogsdishesdivorcedeadlines?page155=BlogPosting&article155=19.1329210>.

Welcome to the Purdue University Online Writing Lab (OWL). Web. 28 Mar. 2010. <http://owl.english.purdue.edu/>.

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The University of Central Florida Book Festival Inaugural Event: April 16 -17, 2010

via education.ucf.edu

via education.ucf.edu

Welcome to the UCF Book Festival in association with the Morgridge International Reading Center at the University of Central Florida.

The 2010 UCF Book Festival will be held
April 16-17, 2010, at the UCF Arena in Orlando.

Join us for one of Florida’s premier literary events, featuring renowned national and local authors, book signings and sales, exhibits, book appraisals, and special children’s activities.

via education.ucf.edu

Come say “hi” at the “The Florida Review” table on Saturday, April 17th at the UCF Book Festival. Hope to see you there.
~C

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3 Great Sources for Blog Content via SocialTechBlog.com

3 Great Sources for Blog Content

Have the desire to blog but just can’t get inspired?

1. Expand on comments from previous blog posts.  Comments are a great source for new and expanded content.  Find hot buttons and see where they can take you.

2. Write about what you are currently reading.  Get into the habit of making notes of concepts that resonate with you then blog about it.  Expand on ideas and add your own perspective.

3. Look back through old files on your computer and you may be surprised when you find unfinished projects, forgotten musings and unused media (like the cartoon above).

Got other ideas?  Let’s hear your comments.

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Filed under  //  Blogging

Comments (0)

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“The Florida Review” — A Mining Excavation in Death and Creatures

Click here to subscribe

As an intern with “The Florida Review” Literary Journal, I have had the opportunity this semester to read, review and critique a multitude of submitted manuscripts from authors seeking publication in the journal. This has been one of the highlights of my semester. When I began the semester I chose to read any genre submission: Poetry, Fiction or Nonfiction. I picked my way through a lot of coal. The work at times laborious and exhausting, but every so often I would come across rough stone that with some polishing, would be worthy of publication. One of the first nonfiction manuscripts I took home for a weekend, a near sixty page piece, I could not put down. In fact, I read it twice and brought it in the following week to the intern “hot box” with a shining recommendation. I was so excited about mining this piece, I could not stop talking about it. Because of that piece, I ended up narrowing my focus toward reading the nonfiction pieces. I snatched new submissions as they entered the “just-in” box, eager for another fresh-find. Interestingly, the nonfiction category receives the least amount of entries, or so it seems but I discovered something interesting: Death and creatures. Yes, death and creatures. The majority of nonfiction submissions I read touched on those two topics. In one week I read about two murders, three attempted suicides, and four creatures: Peacocks, hummingbirds, a bat, and a turtle. Scratch that a murdered bat and a dying turtle. While some of those were pretty good, others were less than stellar. Next week is the my final editorial meeting of the semester. Collectively, our small group interns will gather at the round-table to hash out exactly what gets published in the next journal. I will be one of the collaborative voices pushing, debating, discussing and voting on making the next issue the best yet. The journal has a long history of publishing excellent work, from talented writers, but never before have I had an opportunity to be a part of its publishing team. This is where I need your help. Part of our assignment is to find new subscribers. A subscription for the year consists of two issues, mailed “hot off the press” for only $15.00.  It is not a recurring (although I have a feeling you’ll become hooked) and makes a thoughtful gift. Would you click the link below and subscribe to a year of “The Florida Review” literary journal. My G.P.A. and I would be quite appreciative. Amazon.com Widgets

“The Florida Review”  – http://floridareview.cah.ucf.edu/

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Posted via web from ~~ just a random girl’s posterous ~~

“The Florida Review” — A Mining Excavation in Death and Creatures

Help me buy my way to an “A”…

Click here to subscribe

As an intern with “The Florida Review” Literary Journal, I have had the opportunity this semester to read, review and critique a multitude of submitted manuscripts from authors seeking publication in the journal. This has been one of the highlights of my semester. When I began the semester I chose to read any genre submission: Poetry, Fiction or Nonfiction. I picked my way through a lot of coal. The work at times laborious and exhausting, but every so often I would come across rough stone that with some polishing, would be worthy of publication. One of the first nonfiction manuscripts I took home for a weekend, a near sixty page piece, I could not put down. In fact, I read it twice and brought it in the following week to the intern “hot box” with a shining recommendation. I was so excited about mining this piece, I could not stop talking about it. Because of that piece, I ended up narrowing my focus toward reading the nonfiction pieces. I snatched new submissions as they entered the “just-in” box, eager for another fresh-find. Interestingly, the nonfiction category receives the least amount of entries, or so it seems but I discovered something interesting: Death and creatures. Yes, death and creatures. The majority of nonfiction submissions I read touched on those two topics. In one week I read about two murders, three attempted suicides, and four creatures: Peacocks, hummingbirds, a bat, and a turtle. Scratch that a murdered bat and a dying turtle. While some of those were pretty good, others were less than stellar. Next week is the my final editorial meeting of the semester. Collectively, our small group interns will gather at the round-table to hash out exactly what gets published in the next journal. I will be one of the collaborative voices pushing, debating, discussing and voting on making the next issue the best yet. The journal has a long history of publishing excellent work, from talented writers, but never before have I had an opportunity to be a part of its publishing team. This is where I need your help. Part of our assignment is to find new subscribers. A subscription for the year consists of two issues, mailed “hot off the press” for only $15.00.  It is not a recurring (although I have a feeling you’ll become hooked) and makes a thoughtful gift. Would you click the link below and subscribe to a year of “The Florida Review” literary journal. My G.P.A. and I would be quite appreciative. Amazon.com Widgets

Thank you in advance, Cassie

“The Florida Review”  – http://floridareview.cah.ucf.edu/

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Why Cant I Own a Canadian?

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Click here to view Why Cant I Own a Canadian? on The Utah Humanist: http://www.thehuministsofutah.org

And it’s a very serious question I have been pondering…worthy of reprint.

October 2002

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It’s funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God‘s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? – Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

Note to Stumblers:

Some comments criticizing this piece indicate that it was “hijacked” from a West Wing episode. This is a chicken and egg argument in my opinion. I don’t really know which came first, and frankly don’t care. Below, for your enjoyment, is the clip in question.

Off to Storm the Castle…

Off to storm the castle…

Image via Wikipedia

An all time favorite.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

Memorable quotes:

The Princess Bride is a 1973 novel by William Goldman.

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

Framed as a story within a story, it is a tale of true love and high adventure, pirates, princess, giants, miracles, fencing, and a frightening assortment of wild beasts. The princess bride is a modern storytelling classic. See also quotes from The Princess Bride (film), the 1987 movie based on the book.

Image by richardmasoner via Flickr

Contents 1 Introduction 2 One: The Bride 3 Two: The Groom 4 Three: The Courtship 5 Four: The Preparations 6 Five: The Announcement 7 Six: The Festivities 8 Seven: The Wedding 9 Eight: Honeymoon 10 External links

Introduction

• This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it.

“Has it got any sports in it?”

“Fencing. Fighting. Torture. Poison. True love. Hate. Revenge. Giants. Hunters. Bad men. Good men. Beautifulest ladies. Snakes. Spiders. Beasts of all natures and descriptions. Pain. Death. Brave men. Coward men. Strongest men. Chases. Escapes. Lies. Truths. Passion. Miracles.”

• People don’t remember me. Really. It’s not a paranoid thing; I just have this habit of slipping through memories. It doesn’t bother me all that much, except I guess that’s a lie; it does. For some reason, I test very high on forgettability.

• Even today, that’s how I summon back my father when the need arises. Slumped and squinting and halting over words, giving me Morgenstern’s masterpiece as best he could. The Princess Bride belonged to my father.

• But my father only read me the action stuff, the good parts. He never bothered with the serious side at all.

• Anyway, here’s the “good parts” version. S. Morgenstern wrote it. And my father read it to me. And now I give it to you. What you do with it will be of more than passing interest to us all.

One: The Bride

• Prince Humperrdinck actually ran things. If there had been a Europe, he would have been the most powerful man in it. Even as it was, nobody within a thousand miles wanted to mess with him.

• Flailing and thrashing, Buttercup wept and tossed and paced and wept some more, and there have been three great cases of jealousy since David of Galilee was first afflicted with the emotion when he could no longer stand the fact that his neighbor Saul’s cactus outshone his own. (Originally, jealousy pertained solely to plants, other people’s cactus or ginkgoes, or later, when there was grass, grass, which is why, even to this day, we say that someone is green with jealousy.) Buttercup’s case rated a close fourth on the all-time list.

• “Don’t you understand anything that’s going on?
  Buttercup shook her head.
  Westley shook his too. “You never have been the brightest, I guess.”
  “Do you love me, Wesley? Is that it?”
  He couldn’t believe it. “Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches! If your love were -”
  “I don’t understand that first one yet,” Buttercup interrupted. She was starting to get very excited now. “Let me get this straight. Are you saying my love is a grain of sand and yours is this other thing? Images confuse me so – is this universal business of yours bigger than my sand? Help me, Westley. I have the feeling we’re on the verge of something just terribly important.”

• “I’ve been saying it so long to you, you just wouldn’t listen. Every time you said ‘Farm Boy do this’ you thought I was answering ‘As you wish’ but that’s only because you were hearing wrong. ‘I love you’ was what it was, but you never heard.”

• There have been five great kisses since 1642 B.C. … (before then couples hooked thumbs.) And the precise rating of kisses is a terribly difficult thing, often leading to great controversy…Well, this one left them all behind.

Two: The Groom

• Hunting was [Humperdinck’s] love.
  Once he was determined, once he had focused on an object, the Prince was relentless. He never tired, never wavered, neither ate nor slept. It was death chess and he was international grand master.

• “Your father has had his annual physical,” the Count said. “I have the report.”
  “And?”
  “Your father is dying.”
  “Drat!” said the Prince. “That means I shall have to get married.”

Three: The Courtship

• [Buttercup] “I’ll never love you.”
  [Humperdinck] “I wouldn’t want it if I had it.”
  “Then by all means let us marry.”

Four: The Preparations

• I didn’t even know this chapter existed until I began the ‘good parts’ version. All my father used to say at this point was, “What with one thing and another, three years passed,” and then he’d explain how the day came when Buttercup was officially introduced to the world as the coming queen, and how the Great Square of Florin City was filled as never before, awaiting her introduction, and by then he was into the terrific business dealing with the kidnapping.
  Would you believe that in the original Morgenstern this was the longest chapter in the book?

• But from a narrative point of view, in 105 pages nothing happens. Except this: ‘What with one thing and another, three years passed.’

Five: The Announcement

• [Princess Buttercup is walking among her people for the first time.]

But –
– in the farthest corner of the Great Square –
– in the highest building in the land –
– deep in the deepest shadow –
– the man in black stood waiting.

• “The Prince and I have never from the beginning lied to each other. He knows I do not love him.”
  “Are not capable of love is what you mean.”
  “I’m very capable of love,” Buttercup said.
  “Hold your tongue, I think.”
  “I have loved more deeply than a killer like you can possibly imagine.”
  He slapped her.

• “I loved once,” Buttercup said after a moment. “It worked out badly.”
  “Another rich man? Yes, and he left you for a richer woman.”
  “No. Poor. Poor and it killed him.”
  “Were you sorry? Did you feel pain? Admit that you felt nothing -”
  “Do not mock my grief! I died that day.”

• While he was watching the ships, Buttercup shoved him with all her strength remaining…down went the man in black…”You can die too for all I care,” she said, and then she turned away.
  Words followed her. Whispered from afar, weak and warm and familiar. “As…you…wish…”

• “The battle of wits has begun,” said the man in black. “It ends when you decide and we drink and find out who is right and who is dead.”

• “Fool!” cried the hunchback. “You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is ‘Never get involved in a land war in Asia,’ but only slightly less well known is this: ‘Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.'”
  He was quite cheery until the iocane powder took effect.

Six: The Festivities

• “It comes to this,” Buttercup began. “In the Fire Swamp I made the worst mistake in all the world. I love Westley. I always have. It seems I always will…I mean this now too: if you say I must marry you in fifty days I will be dead by morning.”

• But Westley, as the lever moved, took his brain away, and when the Machine began, Westley was stroking her autumn-coloured hair and touching her skin of wintry cream and – and – and then his world exploded… In humiliation, and suffering, and frustration, and anger, and anguish so great it was dizzying, Westley cried like a baby.
  “Interesting,” said the Count, and carefully noted it down.

Seven: The Wedding

• “Get away, I’m telling you, or I call the Brute Squad.”
  “I’m on the Brute Squad.”
  “You are the brute squad.”

• “WHAT’S SO IMPORTANT? WHAT’S HERE WORTH COMING BACK FOR?”
  …”Tr..ooooo…luv…”

• “–true love is the best thing in the world, except for a nice MLT. Mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich; when the mutton is really lean.”

• “Bye bye boys.”
  “Have fun storming the castle.”
  (Aside) “Think it’ll work?”
  “It’ll take a miracle.”

Eight: Honeymoon

• “Hello,” he said. “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

• Prince Humperdinck dove for his weapons, and a sword flashed in his thick hands. “To the death,” he said, advancing.
  Westley gave a soft shake of his head. “No,” he corrected. “To the pain.”
  It was an odd phrase, and for the moment it brought the Prince up short. “I don’t think I quite understand that.”

• “I’m going to tell you something once and then whether you die is strictly up to you,” Westley said, lying pleasantly on the bed. “What I’m going to tell you is this: drop your sword, and if you do, then I will leave with this baggage here”—he glanced at Buttercup—”and you will be tied up but not fatally, and will be free to go about your business. And if you choose to fight, well, then, we will not both leave alive.”
  “You are only alive now because you said ‘to the pain.’ I want that phrase explained.”
  “My pleasure. To the pain means this: if we duel and you win, death for me. If we duel and I win, life for you. But life on my terms. The first thing you lose will be your feet. Below the ankle. You will have stumps available to use within six months. Then your hands, at the wrists. They heal somewhat quicker. Five months is a fair average. Next your nose. No smell of dawn for you. Followed by your tongue. Deeply cut away. Not even a stump left. And then your left eye—”
  “And then my right eye, and then my ears, and shall we get on with it?” the Prince said.
  “Wrong!” Westley’s voice rang across the room. “Your ears you keep, so that every shriek of every child shall be yours to cherish—every babe that weeps in fear at your approach, every woman that cries ‘Dear God, what is that thing?’ will reverberate forever with your perfect ears. That is what ‘to the pain’ means. It means that I leave you in anguish, in humiliation, in freakish misery until you can stand it no more; so there you have it, pig, there you know, you miserable vomitous mass, and I say this now, and live or die, it’s up to you: Drop your sword!”
  The sword crashed to the floor.

• “There is a shortage of perfect breasts in this world; ‘twould be a pity to damage yours.”

• “Doomed, madam?”
  “To be together. Until one of us dies.”
  “I’ve done that already, and I haven’t the slightest intention of ever doing it again.” Westley said.
  Buttercup looked at him. “Don’t we sort of have to sometime?”
  “Not if we promise to outlive each other, and I make that promise now.”
  Buttercup looked at him. “Oh my Westley, so do I.”

External links

Wikipedia has an article about:

The Princess Bride

• The Princess Bride book site
• Reconstructivist Art: The Princess Bride

Categories: Fantasy books | Fantasy novels

Image via Wikipedia

Image via CrunchBase

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No, I Don’t Want Join Your (Insert Annoying Virtual Social Media App Here)

…And for God’s sake quit poking me.

 

As far as social networking platforms go, Facebook is pretty user-friendly.

Keeping up with distant friends and relatives has never been easier. Let’s face it: we all wonder what that super-cute kid we had a crush on in elementary school looks like these days. You know, the one that we would follow home hiding behind the bushes so he did not see us (oh . . . maybe that was just me).

Granted, I could live without the picture of me in the hideous Rainbow Bright-meets-Paul Bunyan flannel (and you thought it did not exist), memorialized in my online photo album by a fellow high school dance corps member, but it’s all in good fun.

However, if I ruled the world (or knew how to make a Facebook app), I would invent both an app incinerator and an E-mail zapper. Seriously, I have had it with the quiz thing and apps posting on my wall before I give permission.

Take for instance – ugh – Farmville! Die, piggy-cow. Die, Farmer John. Insert evil laugh here.

Maybe I am just a “bad” friend, but frankly, I do not care what animal you will be when you reincarnate. I don’t want to have a pillow fight, snowball fight or a mafia-vampire war. I don’t want to play in your garden or swim in your sea. No thanks; don’t want a heart, or smiles, flowers, candy, cards, drinks, croissants, angels, lollipops, guns, knives, midgets, vibrators . . . Ok, I have not seen the last two, but I’m sure it is only a matter of time.

But you get my point, right? I even had someone send me an app invite called “I want to make love to you.”

Really? Get a life.

Now, I realize you can block an app after someone posts on your wall by clicking on the icon and selecting %u201Cblock application%u201D on the apps page, but it%u2019s a pain-in-the-butt and I’m full-up in that department, partly because I%u2019m swamped by 769 inbox messages.

I wish it were easier to filter and block Facebook messages. I am either dense or technically illiterate because I cannot figure out how I became guests of events and groups when I have not chosen membership.

If I had my way, I would be a message-blocking ninja.

My dear friend says, “If I didn’t speak to you in grade school, haven’t in 20 years nor at any organized reunion we mutually attended, why would I want to read about what you are having for lunch?”

Amen!

Oh, and before I forget: just because we are Facebook friends, does not give mean sending me a text at 2 a.m. is Ok.

It’s not! It only took one of those before my privacy settings were changed (although I confess, I did consider throwing a flaming cow-patty at the offender, but that app was not available . . . yet.)

So, want to be friends? I promise I will not infest your profile page with random, virtual-diseases.

via centralfloridafuture.com

 

Click here to read my column: Dogs, Dishes, Divorce and Deadlines

Central Florida Future – Dogs, Dishes, Divorce and Deadlines

…And for God’s sake quit poking me.

As far as social networking platforms go, Facebook is pretty user-friendly.

Keeping up with distant friends and relatives has never been easier. Let’s face it: we all wonder what that super-cute kid we had a crush on in elementary school looks like these days. You know, the one that we would follow home hiding behind the bushes so he did not see us (oh . . . maybe that was just me).

Granted, I could live without the picture of me in the hideous Rainbow Bright-meets-Paul Bunyan flannel (and you thought it did not exist), memorialized in my online photo album by a fellow high school dance corps member, but it’s all in good fun.

However, if I ruled the world (or knew how to make a Facebook app), I would invent both an app incinerator and an E-mail zapper. Seriously, I have had it with the quiz thing and apps posting on my wall before I give permission.

Take for instance – ugh – Farmville! Die, piggy-cow. Die, Farmer John. Insert evil laugh here.

Maybe I am just a “bad” friend, but frankly, I do not care what animal you will be when you reincarnate. I don’t want to have a pillow fight, snowball fight or a mafia-vampire war. I don’t want to play in your garden or swim in your sea. No thanks; don’t want a heart, or smiles, flowers, candy, cards, drinks, croissants, angels, lollipops, guns, knives, midgets, vibrators . . . Ok, I have not seen the last two, but I’m sure it is only a matter of time.

But you get my point, right? I even had someone send me an app invite called “I want to make love to you.”

Really? Get a life.

Now, I realize you can block an app after someone posts on your wall by clicking on the icon and selecting %u201Cblock application%u201D on the apps page, but it%u2019s a pain-in-the-butt and I’m full-up in that department, partly because I%u2019m swamped by 769 inbox messages.

I wish it were easier to filter and block Facebook messages. I am either dense or technically illiterate because I cannot figure out how I became guests of events and groups when I have not chosen membership.

If I had my way, I would be a message-blocking ninja.

My dear friend says, “If I didn’t speak to you in grade school, haven’t in 20 years nor at any organized reunion we mutually attended, why would I want to read about what you are having for lunch?”

Amen!

Oh, and before I forget: just because we are Facebook friends, does not give mean sending me a text at 2 a.m. is Ok.

It’s not! It only took one of those before my privacy settings were changed (although I confess, I did consider throwing a flaming cow-patty at the offender, but that app was not available . . . yet.)

So, want to be friends? I promise I will not infest your profile page with random, virtual-diseases.

via centralfloridafuture.com

Posted via web from balderdashnonsense’s posterous

Three new programs launch at media center

Central Florida Future – Article Online  

By Cassie Turner

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Published: Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Updated: Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Emre Kelly

UCF’s Center for Emerging Media in Downtown Orlando celebrated the addition of three new programs, increasing student options and solidifying key concepts: partnership, collaboration and replication.

About 12,500 square feet of remodeled space is now dedicated to UCF’s MFA in Studio Art & the Computer; Flying Horse Editions, UCF’s non-profit fine arts press; and Citylab-Orlando, a University of Florida graduate-level architecture program.

These programs join several other high-profile programs at the center: The Florida Interactive Entertainment Academy, UCF’s graduate video-gaming school; Vicon Entertainment’s House of Moves, one of the largest motion-capture studios on the East Coast; and the soundstage and editing suites of Studio 500.

“The Center for Emerging Media’s mission is to expand programs, access and opportunities for upper-level undergraduate and graduate emerging media students in Orlando, while furthering the city’s vision for a creative village that will connect professionals with students to help them land high-paying jobs upon graduation," said Chad Binette of UCF News & Information.

Rogier van Etten, a software engineer at 360Ed and 2007 graduate of FIEA, said they are instrumental in securing employer interviews for students. 360Ed focuses on games with high educational content. 

"The best thing you get from FIEA is teamwork: how to be an effective collaborator; how to be an effective communicator; how to be a valuable member of a team," said van Etten. "The skills you can get other places — it’s the team aspect that really stands out."

"We want to replicate what happens in the industry. Collaboration between students, departments and the community is the idea behind the entire building," said FIEA’s communications and admissions director, Todd Deery.

Professors encouraged Brittany Metz, a second-year MFA studio art & the computer graduate student, to get out of her box and focus on different mediums. Metz said she joined the program because the focus is concentrated on your own artwork, and the digital media aspect allowed flexibility and broad-range artistic expression.

"I’m drawn to whimsical, childlike, nostalgic things,” Metz said, “things I can create a story out of or that recall the past. 

Adding to the community learning and work experience environment, Flying Horse Editions brings in visiting artists who provide students with critiques and real-world experience lectures, said director Theo Lotz.

Beginning fall 2010, a creative partnership with Valencia Community College and the University of Florida will allow students to obtain a bachelor of design in architecture degree.

Michael Kuenstle, associate professor at the UF school of architecture, said the symbiotic relationship benefits students, faculty and community.

"Architecture is an urban endeavor. Students will gain a professional degree, immersed in the subject they are studying, while still living in Orlando, and we are able to teach in an urban environment, using the city as a library and teaching tool," Kuenstle said.

According to the UCF Web site, through a 2+2+2 program, students earn an associate’s degree through Valencia, a bachelor’s degree at UCF and a master’s at UF. The program aims at preparing students for careers in professional architecture, construction management and industrial design.

In the meantime, UCF undergraduate students and graduate students will be able to take elective courses at Citylab-Orlando and collaborate with top design, construction and planning faculty members from UF, said Binette.

Currently, Citylab-Orlando is working on a local urban redesign project to address different uses for future public space beneath Interstate 4 in Downtown Orlando.

Abolitionist, historian wraps up Global Perspectives series

Central Florida Future – http://bit.ly/8KleHL

By Cassie Turner

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Published: Friday, November 20, 2009

Updated: Friday, November 20, 2009

Caitlin Bush

"Most Americans do not know slavery not only exists in the world today, it flourishes," said Ron Soodalter, co-author of The Slave Next Door, in his presentation in the Pegasus Ballroom Monday morning.

"Somewhere around 27 million people are in bondage in the world today. Now, that’s over twice the number as were trafficked in chains in the entire 350 years of the African slave trade."

Soodalter, an active abolitionist and historian, kicked off International Education Week at UCF as the keynote speaker for the Second Annual International Breakfast. The Slave Next Door presentation concluded the three-part series on "Slavery’s Resurgence" facilitated by the Office of the Special Assistant to the President for Global Perspectives and the International Services Center.

The series began with Somaly Mam, a Cambodian human rights activist, former slave and author of The Road of Lost Innocence: The True Story of a Cambodian Heroine, when she shared her experiences in September.

In October, Micheline Slattery, a human-rights activist and former restavek, or domestic child slave, in both Haiti and the United States, addressed about 300 attendees.

Modern-day slavery includes around 800,000 men, women and children trafficked each year around the world. According to the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Web site, about 17,500 of them end up in the United States, with a high percentage received in Florida.

Soodalter suggests a simple Google search on human trafficking for astounding results.

In spite of major federal legislation and anti-trafficking laws passed in 43 states, 103 human-trafficking convictions have resulted, Soodalter said.

Trafficking remains hidden, is largely unreported and difficult to identify. According to the 2009 Trafficking in Persons, or TIP, report, published by the U.S. Department of State, forced labor/involuntary servitude represents the majority of human-trafficking cases in the world. The co-author of Soodalter’s book,  Kevin Bales, wrote the original 156-page TIP report, titled “Trafficking Persons in the United States — A Report to the National Institute of Justice.”

“The whole thing is disserving and extending,” said retired UCF foreign language professor David Gurney. “It contributes to the antagonism from people in underdeveloped countries to Western civilizations or Western countries.”

In the 1850s, purchasing a slave ran roughly $1,200, the equivalent of around $40,000 in today’s money. The reality is purchasing a slave today costs as little as $100, which makes them affordable and disposable, Soodalter said.

A trafficking victim lives in fear of violence or the threat of violence daily, he said.

Shawn Cox, victim witness coordinator and licensed clinical social worker with the United States Attorney’s Office, advocates that trafficking is a crime of absolute power over someone. According to the report Cox co-authored, “Victims of Human Trafficking and Trauma,” the psychological consequences of a victim are similar to the consequences of severe or chronic child abuse or experiencing acts of terrorism.

"In case you thought slavery doesn’t touch you, guess again," Soodalter said. "Chances are, the clothes you wear, the food you eat, has been touched by slavery."

The good news is there have been some inroads made recently in the area of agricultural servitude, Soodalter said. When Taco Bell refused to stop buying produce picked by enslaved workers in an effort known as the "Ban the Bell" campaign, it set a precedent that several other companies, including McDonalds, A&W, Long John Silver’s, Pizza Hut, Whole Foods, Chipotle and Burger King, have followed, Soodalter said.

"The message is clear," Soodalter said. "Slavery and worker abuse will not be tolerated. Not here, not now, not ever."

Mark Freeman, public affairs coordinator for the Global Perspectives Office, said they are hoping to continue the series next spring since response has been incredible. Because of the series last spring, students on campus were so spurred into action they formed the unofficial student group “Students Against Slavery @ UCF,” Freeman said. “Students Against Slavery @ UCF” has a Facebook page, and Harry Coverston serves as the faculty advisor for the group.

"Spreading the word is the most important thing," said Frank Hegedus, a senior political science and international relations major. "There is only right now."

 

http://www.centralfloridafuture.com/abolitionist-historian-wraps-up-global-perspectives-series-1.2093273

fear and love

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”
— John Lennon

Central Florida Future – More H1N1 vaccines available

Central Florida Future – More H1N1 vaccines available.

 

24,000 vaccines requested last week

By Cassie Turner

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Published: Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Updated: Wednesday, November 11, 2009

John Choi

Danny Demoraes’ brother died of pneumonia, a complication of the H1N1 virus. Demorae, a senior at UCF, received his H1N1 vaccine last Thursday.

John Choi

A month after he watched his 27-year-old brother die of complications caused by the H1N1 virus, UCF senior Danny Demoraes entered the second-floor conference room at Health Services to receive the flu vaccine.

David Demoraes was two weeks away from becoming a firefighter in August when he began complaining of a cough, vomiting and body aches. By the end of the month he had been admitted to a hospital suffering from pneumonia, a complication of H1N1.

On Oct. 3, after a month-long battle, a blood clot blocked one of his arteries, causing his blood pressure to drop to zero, Demoraes said.

“I felt his heart take its last couple beats,” Demoraes said. “My brother and I used to do everything together. Now everything has changed.”

Danny Demoraes received his vaccine Thursday — one of the 1,500 doses available to students, faculty and staff delivered to UCF Health Services, 24,000 had been requested.

“It’s worth getting the vaccine because you just don’t know who it’s going to hospitalize…who it’s going to kill,” Demoraes said. “If the school is offering free vaccines why not prevent it beforehand?”

Chad Binette of UCF News & Information said that there have been 35 cases of H1N1 confirmed at UCF. According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

in Atlanta, college-aged people are within a more at-risk category.

“For instance, between ages 5 and 24, the CDC estimates 2,196 cases per 100,000, but only 107 per 100,000 in the 65 and older age group,” Binette said. “UCF is one of the first Florida universities to receive vaccines and getting the vaccine is the best way to stay healthy and protect yourself from the H1N1 virus. The vaccine is safe and effective, and students can get it for free.”

Thomas Sutton, a UCF freshman micro & molecular biology major, agrees. Sutton said he gets his vaccine as a “force of habit” every year, but his grandmother nearly dying of the virus raised his awareness about H1N1.

Claudia Witcher, nursing director for UCF Health Services, began each session with a short presentation explaining to attendees the differences between the two vaccines. The shot is made of dead viral particles, whereas the attenuated nasal vaccine is a live virus that replicates only in the nostril, Witcher said.

“For homework, go out and tell your friends how easy it is, because we need all students to be immunized,” said Pharmacy Manager Sheryl Gamble.  

Anne Schuchat, director of the National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases, reported Friday that 129 children have died from H1N1.

According to the CDC, Novel influenza A, H1N1, is a new flu virus of swine origin that first caused illness in Mexico and the United States in March and April 2009. It was determined that the virus was spreading from person to person with the infection causing a wide range of flu-like symptoms, including fever, cough, sore throat, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue. In addition, many people also have reported nausea, vomiting and/or diarrhea. On June 11, 2009, the World Health Organization raised the worldwide pandemic alert level to Phase 6 in response to H1N1.

As of Nov. 1, the WHO reported the pandemic has infected 199 countries and overseas territories and caused more than 6,000 deaths.

According to a health alert put out by the CDC on Nov. 6, most people who get H1N1 will have a mild illness and recover in fewer than two weeks. Others, however, are more likely to get flu complications that result in hospitalization and, occasionally, death. Complications can include pneumonia, bronchitis, sinus infections and ear infections, or worsen chronic health problems such as asthma or congestive heart failure. The CDC urges clinicians to begin antiviral treatment of suspected persons based on direct observation as opposed to relying on rapid influenza tests or laboratory confirmation.

It takes about two weeks for the vaccine to become effective in the system, Witcher said.

She recommends maintaining good hand washing practices, not sharing food or drink with others and employing good coughing and sneezing etiquette in the interim.

“My brother was all about helping people,” Demoraes said. “If anything, he would be happy that at least this message can get out there and help other people. That’s what he would have wanted.”

Students, faculty take advantage of H1N1 vaccines

 

By Cassie Turner

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Published: Monday, November 9, 2009

Updated: Monday, November 9, 2009

Several hundred UCF students, faculty and staff received H1N1 vaccinations in the initial intranasal inoculation sessions held last week.

According to Chad Binette of UCF News & Information, within a half hour of when the vouchers for the nasal spray became available, many students were coming into the Health Center and Knight Aide to pick them up.

More sessions begin on Tuesday when about 500 shots of the injectable H1N1 vaccine will be given to priority groups established by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Priority groups include health care providers, emergency medical services personnel, anyone aged 6 months to 24 years, pregnant women, household contacts and caregivers of infants younger than 6 months and people 25 to 64 years old who have underlying health conditions that increase risk for flu-related health complications.

Vouchers and consent forms can be obtained by presenting a valid UCF ID at the appointment/check-in window inside the Health Center from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. or the Knight Aide pharmacy and convenience store, adjacent to the UCF Arena, from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. Monday through Saturday, Binette said.

One-hour time windows for the injectable shot are available for UCF students, faculty and staff who belong to a CDC priority group at the UCF Health Services building on Nov. 10 from 11 a.m. to noon, 1 p.m. to 2 p.m., 2 p.m. to 3 p.m. and 3 p.m. to 4 p.m. Arriving anytime within the scheduled time window is acceptable.

Distribution of the remaining intranasal doses of the initial shipment is scheduled for Nov. 12 at 10 a.m., 10:30 a.m., 11 a.m. and 11:30 a.m. Students, faculty and staff must bring their voucher and consent form and arrive at the Health Center five minutes prior to their scheduled session. Those arriving after session instructions begin will need to request a voucher for another session.

There is no charge for UCF students to receive the vaccine, but faculty and staff must pay a $10 fee by cash or check.

"Students, faculty and staff are advised to get their seasonal flu shots as well," Binette said. "Seasonal flu shots are available by appointment at the UCF Health Center."

 

RT @UCFnews: Students, faculty take advantage of H1N1 vaccines by Cassie Turner: http://bit.ly/1UcZ2i http://bit.ly/kO6iM

UCF to give limited number of H1N1 vaccines

By Cassie Turner

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Published: Thursday, November 5, 2009

Updated: Thursday, November 5, 2009

UCF Health Services began distribution of its initial shipment of about 1,500 H1N1 nasal spray flu vaccines to students, faculty and staff on Tuesday.

According to Chad Binette of UCF News & Information, vouchers and consent forms can be obtained by presenting a valid UCF ID at the appointment/check-in window inside the Health Center from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. or the Knight Aide pharmacy and convenience store, adjacent to the UCF Arena, from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. through Friday. There is no charge for UCF students. Faculty and staff must pay a $10 fee by cash or check.

Group session dates and times at the UCF Health Services building are as follows:
Nov. 5 at 10, 10:30, 11 and 11:30 a.m. and 1, 1:30, 2 and 2:30 p.m. as well as Nov. 6 at 10, 10:30, 11 and 11:30 a.m. and 1:30, 2, 2:30 and 3 p.m.

Students, faculty and staff must bring their voucher, consent form and arrive at the Health Center five minutes prior to the scheduled session. Those arriving to their session after instructions begin will need to request a voucher for another session.

Binette said this initial shipment of the nasal spray vaccine is a small portion of vaccines that Health Services has requested for the UCF community and is not appropriate for everyone, including pregnant women, those over 50 years of age and people with a chronic medical condition. The injectable H1N1 vaccine is not available at this time.

"Additional dates and times for distributing the vaccine may be scheduled if doses remain at the end of the week," Binette said.

Ten students compete in UCF scholarship pageant

By Cassie Turner

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Published: Sunday, November 1, 2009

Updated: Sunday, November 1, 2009

Emre Kelly

Audience members rose to their feet and exploded with applause when UCF junior Michael Newman accepted the title of Mr. UCF 2010, beating out nine other contestants in the annual scholarship pageant.

Students watched as 10 students dressed as zombies took the stage in the Pegasus Ballroom in the Student Union  on Friday as they danced to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

Newman, who won the judges’  favor and the audience popular vote, took home over $2,000 in scholarship awards courtesy of Student Government Association and the UCF Alumni Association. He said his main objective as Mr. UCF this year would be to spread awareness.

“I carry the world on my backpack,” Newman said as he performed a poem he found online called The Renditions of a Homeless Man for the talent competition. Newman dressed in layers of jackets and carried a sign that read: “Hungry any spare change helps please.”

“Students a lot of times feel disconnected from the community around us. Two miles down the road there are people that are homeless,” Newman said. “There are a lot of people that stay within the circle at UCF because they don’t really understand or realize what’s going on around us.”

Newman said during his interview that he wants to bridge that gap between the community, students and faculty, which he believes is part of the UCF Creed.

Newman is currently an ambassador on the President’s Leadership Council, the community service chair of the Alpha Epsilon Pi fraternity and a member of the Student Sustainability Alliance. 

The pageant winner was not the only student heavily involved in campus and community activities vying for a shot at the Mr. UCF title. Spectacular Knight and Campus Activities Board Director Samantha Nemeroff said 15 students auditioned for the event, but only ten competed in the pageant.

“They represented UCF in a great way,” Nemeroff said. “They are all very involved in the school and the community. Their talents were impressive, too.”

Jonathan Parker sang the bluesy Porgy & Bess classic “Summertime.” Matthew Miller, clad in a glitter jacket and rhinestone glove, moonwalked to a version of “Billy Jean” by Michael Jackson. Marcus Williams dressed in a red and white checkerboard shirt, and performed a hip-hop line dancing routine to a music mix. James Jarman broke out the red vinyl records and turntables, scratched and spun a house and Latin mix. 

Tyson Nales, Mr. UCF 2009, and Dasha Gonzalez, Miss UCF 2010,  hosted the pageant with a panel of five judges. The bulk of the contestants’ scores came from the talent competition followed by their audition interview, formal wear, beachwear and a final on-stage question.

The scholarship pageant began in 1989 and benefits both students and the community. Sidney Porter, Sunshine Princess and Lake Highland student, donated a midback ponytail of hair to Locks of Love and the audience favorite vote raised $920 for Children’s Miracle Network.

SGA provided scholarship awards of $400 to the third runner-up, Warren Jackson, $650 to second runner-up, James Jarman, and $1,000 to first runner-up, Marcus Williams.

Additionally, Jonathan Parker won $500 in awards for nonfinalist best interview and top ad sales. David Cohn won $350 for nonfinalist best talent and David Yu won Mr. Congeniality and $150.

The pageant is open to all full-time male undergraduate and graduate students who hold a minimum 2.5 GPA.

Nemeroff said she can relax for a week before she begins planning for the Miss UCF pageant, with 25 girls set to compete for the title on Feb. 6, 2010. 

 

UCFnews: Michael Newman crowned Mr. UCF: http://bit.ly/1x2pjS http://bit.ly/1WvEkf

One Bag Only

i break your rule…

but I want to grab you

be that girl that can say

the right thing

that can make us right

but I can’t fix you and

and I gotta stop being that girl

that tries to fix everyone

else that’s broken

when I can’t fix myself

 

and you can’t handle my overstuffed luggage

i never could pack light

deep down I know it’s just an excuse

which is why I picked the fight

and forced your hand

to stop the push-pull

for us to end

what never was

better than unpacking your bags in vacancy

losing your luggage in uncertainty

 

and I know your right

my luggage is heavy

even for me

i have no business

involved

in more

until

one bag only

is more than a rule

 

…but I miss my friend

The Joys of Being French

 

The First Million Years or So

600 Years of Unwanted Guests

Middle Ages and the Turn of Provence

Wars of Religion and Hocus Pocus Popes

Oppression, Resistance, Quel Renaissance!

Debating The Age of Bad Taste ou Epoch Classique?

Post-War brings Socialist Mitterand and the Revival of Occitan

The Joys of Being French, Oui or N’est Pas?

 

C’est La Vie in The South of France

Santon Fairs in the Var et Renoir at Les Collettes

Columns, Columns, Columns and a Bridge

Troubadours Cansos, Love Story, La Californie of Europe

Hug the road winding the Cote d’Azur

Bordeaux, Beaujolais, frescoes in Peille

Sailing to Promenade du Soleil

 

Down the Rhone: Orange to Beaucaire

Malabar’s bulging biceps swell

Jagged Alpilles, rocky plains of the Crau, marshlands of the Camargue

For the Rhone is a Saturdays Child

On to Nimes, the Gard and Montpellier

Le Vin’s de Herault and Agde founded by the ancient Greeks

Narbonne, the Corbieres and the Aude, Castles and Cathedrals abound

Last but not least, there’s the Catalans of Roussillon

 

Getting There

By Air, By Coach, By Car, By Train

By Boat, By Bus, By Bicycling

The Song of Summer, Cicadas tune

Siesta under pine trees and game of boules

Tender is the Night with starry skies

Bouillabaisse, Aioli, Thirteen desserts

Estocaficada and onion tart

 

Before Laying a Bet, will it be

Holiday Destination or Life on the Riviera?

Like the Fitzgerald’s and Hemingway’s

You will not be the first to stay

Avec votre coeur dans la méditerranéenne.

Red Light Life

     You once saw this chick with wild, fiery-red curls sitting at the stop light of Magnolia and Pine. You marveled at her hair and her shiny, silver 1963 Stingray, not sure which you liked more. Perhaps it was the feeling it gave you. She had the top pulled back and "Boys of Summer" cranked, pumping out of the cabriolet, as she puffed out a series of tight smoke circles in the air with her Marlboro Red. You knew it was a Marlboro Red because the white and red pack, wrapped in cellophane, sat on the dash, staring at you. You were tempted to lean out the window and grub for one, forgetting you quit smoking ten years ago when you were young and dumb and free and dating old what’s-his-face. Yeah free. You remember that feeling. She felt like the silver-bullet train of freedom to you, in those two minutes and thirty-two seconds at the corner of Magnolia and Pine. You re-lived life before marriage and mortgages, before diapers and daycare, before disillusionment and divorce. The light turned green, that girl in the ’63 Stingray with the crazy red curls popped the clutch and stole across the intersection, leaving you in her wake with your memories. You released your foot off the brake of your SUV, littered with lost Barbie shoes and yesterday’s half-eaten PBJ, and once again contemplated leaving. Sighing, you knew you can never escape yourself. Instead, you stuck your hand between the seats, fished out that half-eaten PBJ, and thought who needs freedom anyway.

Vacancy

Need lurks in the corners of her closet

Trying on a ball gown, a clutch, a stole

Pretending she is anything but herself

 

Waffling between the here and the there, of fame and anonymity

Jimmy Choo heels, borrowed Yurman, Prada on loan

Insecure steps on the red carpet she walks

 

Courage in a bottle, a pill, a man, she requires

For tonight’s masquerade, her anonymous task, she selects a numbing mask and

Free-flowing Vodka Gimlets to quiet her nerves

 

Desire harpooned that summer in Cannes

This chameleon, playing charades, she does pretend

Silk straps off her shoulders fall

 

Passionate promises, poor choices provoked

His smell on her she cannot escape

It’s a shame they will never know his name

Lewis Carroll (Charles Lutwidge Dodgson)

If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.

The Cat
We’re all mad here.

Alice
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?

The Queen: Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!

Alice
I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is ‘Who in the world am I?’ Ah, that’s the great puzzle!

The Duchess
If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does.

Alice
I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, Sir, because I’m not myself you see.

Alice
What is the use of a book, without pictures or conversations?

The Hatter
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you’re at.

The Queen
Off with her head!

The Duchess
Tut, tut, child! Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it.

The Duchess
Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.

The Mock Turtle
Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.

The Mock Turtle
Well, I never heard it before, but it sounds uncommon nonsense.

The King
Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.

Alice
I don’t believe there’s an atom of meaning in it.

The Queen
Sentence first — verdict afterwards.

Alice
You’re nothing but a pack of cards!

Alice
But then, shall I never get any older than I am now? That’ll be a comfort, one way — never to be an old woman — but then — always to have lessons to learn!

The Queen
Now, I give you fair warning, either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time! Take your choice!

Alice
It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.

Doorknob
Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction.

Mad Hatter
No wonder you’re late. Why, this watch is exactly two days slow.

Alice
Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin; but a grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing I ever say in my life!

The Duchess
There’s a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that is — The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.

The Mock Turtle
What is the use of repeating all that stuff, if you don’t explain it as you go on? It’s by far the most confusing thing I ever heard!

Alice: But it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

Reflections in the Water bowl

Cleaning out my car, I ran across a horoscope I tore from the Orlando Weekly a little over a month ago.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20- Feb. 18) Here’s a preview of the accomplishments I expect you to complete in the next four weeks. Number of karmic debts paid off and canceled: one. Bad habits replaced with good habits: two. Holes blasted in your theory about why you can’t do more of what you love to do: 300. "Necessities" lost that turn out not to be necessities: one. Psychic wounds successfully medicated: one. Confusing messes that evolve into interesting opportunities: two. Romantic obstructions eliminated: one and a half.

  

Interesting time for a telling horoscope. 

Ivory Peonies

Somewhere in the dark corners of my mind

The places we go to hide

I wish I were four and still a child

You say grow up, be a little more mild

 

I never asked you to stay and wait

In fact I think I warned you I’d be late

Flowers only bloom in the spring you see

And it’s been winter for eternity

 

Explains the cold shroud around my heart

And you thought i was just playing tart

No babe, but dessert sure is sweet

Yet haven’t you learned that I ain’t

 

I made you a pie, you baked me a cake

We spent that whole winter down by the lake

Trying to fix, to forgive, to forget

Strangers out of season, frozen with regret

 

I told you I did, I warned you I would

Get bored with gardening in the cold wood

He thawed my ivory peonies one magical night

Now from you I run with fright

 

Back to the comfort corner of my mind

Very safe place to go and hide

I’ll pretend I’m four, a prodigious child

I can’t hear your screams, your call of the wild

 

Some say a cold-water death can be euphoric

For your sins, I know you will burn for it

You and your dreams, now locked in a hard cell

I hope I haunt them from my cold watery hell

Change

“It’s coming.” Said you

 

“What’s that?” Said i

 

“Change.” Said you

 

“Change? Change has come and gone and come again. It’s the only constant. You’ve been busy. Haven’t noticed.” Said i

 

“But I’m afraid of change.” Said you

 

“The hardest part is waiting. With change you skip-the-line. It’s a VIP pass straight to the ride.” Said i

 

 

 

With desperation you looked at me

I could see adequate fascination in your deep blue eyes

You questioned my actions

An intensity only you could deliver.

 

Remember the only constant in time is change

and only change is constant

I warned

 

Trying desperately to make you understand

the future is not something I can tell

nor do I know if I can give

what you want

if I only knew what it was

 

And if I did know these answers would I relinquish them so willing?

 

So time lingered

as predicted

adequacy became waning

as I warned

 

Parting company was easy, no hard feelings

except for a slight loneliness we had both dealt with before

with others we cared only too little about

 

It’s too bad we felt this way

for we too

remain constant

as changes always do